Boys Play
by Arachay
Summary: Ever wonder what it's like to be Kaede Rukawa? Let's take a trip into his oh-so-complicated & somewhat deranged mind, shall we? SenRuSen. And a pinch of one-sided HanaRu. Yaoi & shounen-ai, of course.


"**Boys Play****" **(formerly entitled "Boy's Play")  
A strange RuSen (PWP?) fanfic by Psycho-Surreal Arachay  
Reposted with minor revisions: 08-09-2012

**Series: **Slam Dunk**  
Characters/Pairing: **Kaede Rukawa-centric, a bit of Hanamichi Sakuragi (one-sided HanaRu) & Akira Sendoh shows up somewhere in there too, so it's mainly SenRu.**  
Genre:** YAOI/BxB, shunen-ai, some angst  
**Warnings:** To be safe, it's NC-17 for language, sexual innuendo & Rukawa-centeredness (really, just having him in a fic should be considered R-18... he is too hawt, haha!). And oh yeah, heavy on the Sakuragi-bashing! This is Rukawa's POV afterall... ;)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the boys from Slam Dunk. They belong to the true tensai, Inoue-sensei.

**A/N: **I've read and re-read, revised, re-read and revised some more, that I don't know if I'm making any sense anymore... I think I've officially gone bonkers while writing this. BI This is what happens when I give in to my darkly perverse side... Anyway, what's this all about? Vanity and Rukawa-centeredness. I can't really describe the mood of this fic... it just begged to be written... blame my muse!

* * *

Tonight, was just another nameless night.

A night of lust.

Of sex.

Sex is always fun, _**with him**._

It was in so many ways, like a game of basketball...

Only in this game, I've got nothing to lose.

Nothing that really matters to me.

We're both boys, with equal goals and equal stakes.

It wasn't a matter of promise or consequence…

It was just sex.

When exactly this madness began…

I'd forgotten...

All I remember is waking up one day, in his bed. Next to him. Naked and pleasantly numb.

An odd feeling. But that was that…

No regrets.

Everyday since, he'd come, and I'd be waiting.

Him and I... we were destined to rival each other... but this?

I never imagined.

I've fancied him, yes. After all those games we shared, I could no longer deny it... He was beautiful, and even if I tried not to, I couldn't help noticing... he had the face and body of a god.

It wasn't easy to accept. Some nights I entertained too many thoughts of him, and had trouble sleeping, but when I finally did, I'd dream of him still, and it's been a long time since, but up until now I distinctly recall it has always been girls that I fancied, so whatever happened to that?

_**What ever happened to me?**_

I asked myself countless times if I were gay, and it was simply either 'yes' or 'no', but somehow neither sufficed as an answer. The only thing I was sure of then, was that these thoughts and inclinations were not considered 'normal'... and though I was never one to unnecessarily complicate my life, I knew all this, and yet was pretty much helpless against something as inevitable as fate.

At first, hating myself became an option. Like most necessary evils, sometimes hate worked.

_Sometimes._

For a while, it helped lessen the helplessness I felt. As long as there was something or someone to blame, I felt strong, somehow, and blaming myself was the most convenient.

But it didn't work for long. The dreams never went away. Just like many things about myself that I didn't understand...

It never did.

And I gave up trying to 'normalize' myself to fit others' standards.

People like me... like the two of us... were never meant to lead 'normal' lives...

Even from the very beginning, I was anything but that.

In a society enslaved by beauty... women and men had no reservations about saying I was 'beautiful', or that I was 'pretty', in spite of knowing that_ I was a boy_. It was meant to flatter, but back then, it didn't. It annoyed and confused me, being treated like some unusual little specimen for them to scrutinize...

_Why did I look so different?_ I'd look in the mirror and feel estranged. Ghostlike white skin, blackest hair... luminescent blue eyes, 'fox-like' (as they had always put it) in its peculiarity... a finely chiseled nose, and somewhat puckered lips, thin yet as red as an apple's, inviting in its fullness... A picture of surreal hues and flawless symmetry, like something that came alive from the pages of fairytale, truly hair-raising in its' perfection... _Truly a freak of nature._

As much as I could, I couldn't reconcile myself with that face, so I avoided mirrors and any object that cast reflections. It became a queer habit of mine, and when I turned eleven, my parents took me to a psychiatrist and I was diagnosed with an abnormal fear of 'mirrors' or 'catoptrophobia', psychological for the most part. 'Abnormal' owing to the fact that I was averse to something for no logical reason; 'psychological' because it was irrational. A fear that my mind merely conjured. Funny how being 'mentally ill' comes to mind so quickly when their conventional definition of 'rational' behavior can't be procured so easily. It was always convenient to pretend to understand something by categorizing your ailment with a fancy word born out of someone else's fears, than going through all the trouble of truly understanding anything wasn't it?

I avoided something I didn't like. Weren't these compunctions a defense-mechanism to keep you sane?

_What the hell did they know?_

Even if I believed their crap back then, nothing and no one could make me look at my own reflection, and they eventually got tired of trying to 'cure' me. Funny, but sometimes I get the feeling that I still need to be cured...

**Of something...**

_But it's something these people will always miss._

As I grew, I would often get told how lucky I was to be so beautiful, and that got me thinking, as to what the word 'lucky' and 'beautiful' really meant...

I fondly thought of luck and beauty as an optimistic delusion. A mirage to keep people hopeful and even more delusional than they already were...

People _need_ something to believe in.

Maybe I just think too much...

Though I hardly ever bothered to look at mirrors again (force of habit more than anything else), never even bothered to check if I still knew the ever-present boy there who'd be looking back at me... I couldn't escape his destiny...

A destiny I was to suffer for, for a long, long time...

That boy I saw in the mirror is sixteen now, and no more understood than he was then. Mentally ill or not, he will always be nothing more to others than a figure to be admired, and to some, an object of desire and envy. It always makes me laugh when I recall how silly I had been to believe that I could avoid my fate just by refusing to look at my face... But like I said, I needed that to survive back then. To fool myself for the time being, until I was ready to accept whatever it was that I had to. Ironically it was that 'irrational' fear that kept my feet on the ground. I only know too well by now that there are many things in life you can never really run away from, most especially if it was yourself.

What may have been scary at first subsequently became exciting. I grew accustomed to receiving strange comments, letters and advances from both sexes, and all ages, which I have later come to think of as 'flattering' even in its vulgarity. Even among the subtlest of them, I could always tell... how much they wanted to possess me, by their lustful stares. Nearly everyone treated me like an object more than a human being (most people can hardly distinguish). I've tried to change that notion. I tried. But maybe it was my ineptitude for words, because I never really got through to anyone. Most people only hear what they want to hear and would never even bother actually hearing whatever it is I had to say, thinking that they already knew, and that it'd be 'un-normal', regardless. Understanding was asking too much. I eventually figured I was always prettier to them with my mouth shut.

But then one day, I looked back and realized that this was already just about as far as I could run. I could only ignore them and let them have their delusions. As long as I did, I got my solitude. And it helped me survive till now... Sometimes, the very thing that flatters you could also be what scares you the most, and I guess the one thing that made me feel both, are other people's thoughts. So that's how I perfected the 'art of detachment'.

My life would have been an unbearably boring cycle, if not for Basketball. And just when I thought I was about to outgrow that too, I met someone unexpected.

**Sendoh Akira.**

Beautiful, sensual... ethereal.

_Different._

I was inevitably drawn to him.

And he became the object of my lust.

_I wanted him._

For once... I wanted someone's utter undivided attention. I wanted to be the object of all his thoughts. I wanted him to see me with the same lust-filled eyes...

And for the first time I felt free to give in to my own desires.

It was only a matter of seduction, which was only too easy, for the moment he set eyes on me, I knew... he was already mine for the taking...

So it happened.

And everything became simple again.

We didn't have to think, we'd just play. We were both boys anyway, it was no big deal.

We fucked as much as we desired.

No consequences. It was just a game...

Or so I thought.

At that time, the question of giving up my body to him seemed trivial. It was a measly price to pay in exchange for the pleasure of seeing him worship me.

And he did it without flaw.

His kisses were like a drug that numbed me from everything and intensified the pleasure. His voice appeased my restlessness and filled the void in me, that part of me that wanted to be owned and possessed... oh I was sick of being admired by hypocrites who hardly knew me, Sendoh was everything I needed. Every part of my being repeatedly came alive under his touch, our bodies melded with so much ease, and for once, I felt truly alive... What I dared not believe in myself, I could believe in him. Perhaps this way I can finally come to terms with myself... because **for him**, **I wanted to be beautiful**.

It didn't take long before everyone knew, or at least had their ideas of what was going on between me and Sendoh. We never bothered to hide it in any way, we both knew it was useless to postpone the inevitable. Strangely no one bothered to make a fuss. They all acted like it was perfectly normal. Hah, imagine that... As long as it was about sex, they could understand. In this day and age, two adolescent boys having a reckless, lustful relationship made perfect sense. As long as they had something controversial to whisper about, they were happy, and left us alone.

_And I continue to be humored by the ironies of human logic._

For the time being, they kept their distance...

And their thoughts, whatever it was, no longer made me restless.

It was the perfect revenge.

There were still a few persistent nuisances though...

* * *

The wind gets knocked out of me as that idiot Sakuragi's elbow smashes into my ribs. It was just like him to do something as low while I was open doing a lay-up. It was brutally forceful, he wasn't holding back the slightest. Though stunned from the intense pain writhing my chest, I don't miss the 'swish' of the ball as it eased through the hoop, and a shrill whistle indicating that the foul didn't go undetected_._

I heard him curse at Yasuda for his incompetence as a referee before his stale breath engulfs my face, "You were in the way _**homo-fox**_!"

As soon as my lungs get a plentiful amount of fresh unpolluted air, I recompose myself and stagger to my feet, with a smug look. _Homo-fox huh?_

"Does it eat you up so much that I can fuck Sendoh and still outdo you in basketball, you stupid do'ahou?" I call out coolly but clearly to his retreating figure.

My words reverberate in the huge enclosed space. The sound of basketballs dropping, and suppressed gasps break the otherwise silenced Shohoku gym. I didn't bother hiding my satisfaction at the team's dumbfounded expressions. It was especially priceless to see the shock plastered all over that do'ahou's face. I always knew he had a thing for me, and for all he's worth, he was terrible when it came to trying to hide it. Pretending to be crazy about a girl, and all the while making an absolute idiot of himself, making up all the dumb reasons to turn my junior-high basketball life into a living hell. All part of his low-life attempts to cover up his little secret... Well... he may have succeeded in fooling most ignoramuses, but his luck has just run out, because I see right through his stupid shit.

His biggest mistake was taking me for one of those ignoramuses. Those idiots who couldn't tell the difference between what was 'repulsive' and what was 'cute' if it crawled up their faces on six legs.

I discovered him spying on us after rumors of me and Sendoh started to spread. I couldn't care less about what perverse satisfaction he got from watching us make out, but we'd find out he was there all the same cos we'd hear him as plain as daylight! I knew ignoring him was best, but yesterday he just went too far when he took pictures of us getting it on in Sendoh's room. We didn't even have to look out the window to know who it was... it was impossible to miss his grunting noises amidst the sound of the clicking camera. As expected, even my entire cheering squad would've done a better job of hiding up in that tree than he did. Sendoh proposed we reward his efforts by giving him one hell of a show... one that he wouldn't easily forget... and it looks like today... he's still sore about our '_arousing performance_'. Today the poor idiot was exceptionally antagonistic. Yeah, he's in an extra bad mood, and no one here knows what really got his goose.

But not for long.

"Next time you wanna spy on us, try not to grunt so loud while jerking yourself off... _**you stupid idiot**_." I added just as explicitly, making sure I caught everyone's even more stupefied (and repulsed) expressions as I walk away. And that was all it took to put him in his place.

_Priceless indeed..._

I got rid of the nuisances, and conquered Sendoh while I had my fun.

For all the times that Sendoh had beaten me, this was the perfect way to get even.

It was insane, and immensely gratifying.

**It was out of control.**

Everything was happening so fast.

At first it all seemed perfect.

I felt myself drifting further and further from whatever it was I had been eluding.

Until one morning, I felt like I'd woken up from a long, long dream...

Somewhere before this, not so long ago, I chose to forget.

But now I couldn't...

_Not anymore._

It haunted me. His kisses were undeniably softer... the ritual had become sacred, almost too delicate... I was totally alienated by these new sensations... Sendoh would often look up between kisses, and just gaze into my eyes... and I'd lose myself... For the first time, I felt vulnerable, truly naked under those deep blue eyes that sliced into my very soul each time I dared meet my reflection in them. It awakened strange emotions in me... and I trembled in his arms, with every kiss, with every touch... as we made love... for the first time.

I gasped as I recoiled from the memories, not even realizing I had been holding my breath for so long...

When did everything get so complicated again?

Nothing much had changed between us...

Save for those fond stares... the fragile kisses...

And the way he said my name...

"**Kaede**..."

It shouldn't matter. It meant nothing.

That's what I keep telling myself.

It was simply sex... _**lust**._

Restless passion burning within youthful bodies begging to be spent.

That's how it's always been. That's how it's supposed to be.

But was it really lust that drew us together? Another voice in me countered just as vehemently.

What about our goals? Our dreams?

These games...

These doubts began to consume me even during his merest absences.

I found myself tortured by flames of lust that is never seemingly satiated now, unlike before. I found myself getting wistful... like there was something I had been missing... I knew I was on the verge of a frightening realization…

I didn't want to think about anything that would complicate what we had. I didn't want to believe those eyes. The same eyes that shed a whole new light on my perception of 'beauty'... Why did these things matter all of a sudden?!

Feeling a bit dizzy, I shake my head, actually believing for a split second that I could shake the confusing thoughts out just as carelessly.

I got up and decide to wash my face. A good splash of warm water was all I needed...

Several splashes later, I lift my head from the faucet and proceed to towel dry.

Then something I came face to face with arrested me.

It took my mind a fraction of a second longer to assimilate what it was.

_**My own reflection.**_

This was Sendoh's room... and that, is his bathroom mirror (I didn't keep mirrors this big in my room). Momentarily stunned and unable to tear myself from the image, I shock myself even more by doing something I haven't done in a long, long time...

I stare back at my reflection, hard.

At the face I hardly knew and hated...

And at once, I saw... something has changed.

What was once expressionless and unreal, seemed to glow in earthlier colors now...

My lips... they were much fuller... redder...

My skin didn't seem so colorless anymore... but faintly burnt pink especially around the cheeks...

My eyes... they seemed brighter and bluer and...

Instantly I knew what it was in Sendoh's eyes that troubled me so much... We had the same blue eyes, but his weren't distant like mine... They were warm and bright, and a deeper shade of blue... And for some reason, I saw sadness in them too. A deep hidden sadness that always rendered me helpless. I felt guilty that somehow I could partly be responsible for it... for all the times I refused to acknowledge his affection.

_You've never allowed anyone to see that sadness haven't you?_

_Then why..._

_Why me?_

_Is it because you trust me that much?_

Suddenly I could no longer deny how painful it was to refuse what those eyes were trying to convey. I have never thought of myself as someone capable of holding something as delicate as someone else's sadness... someone else's love. I had buried those emotions long ago, in the deepest recesses of my heart, because I had known all along that this was my fate...

I had to be cold in order to survive.

To be an object of desire, never truly loved by anyone...

Never knowing what it was like to love...

But as though realizing this for the first time, a tear escaped my cold, cold blue eyes...

I had forgotten...

That I too was only human... that I too had the capacity to hurt... and fall in love. That somewhere deep in me, another person's blue eyes have melted away all my defenses... and made me wish to feel those frail human emotions again, no matter how painful...

I had never known what it was like... and now I had to learn all over again.

It was all so sudden, I wasn't ready.

Overwhelmed, I collapse to the floor, my body started shaking from so much emotion. Emotions I've been trying to hide for so long... How stupid I was to have believed that such an act could be performed so gloriously without entailing even the slightest of emotions. My mind began repeating a mantra of reprimand for such reckless behavior. I've become intimate with someone. Something I've never allowed myself to be...

What have I done? I allowed myself to be entrapped by lust... and possibly... love?

I hadn't even dared hope... it couldn't be...

What was I suddenly so afraid of?

This was only a game.

_Only a game..._

"**Akira...**"

I used to think it was easy to look into other people's eyes. I thought it fascinating to see the feelings in them slowly freeze into nothingness as they stare back into mine.

Now it was me who avoided their stares for fear that they'd see my confusion. My weakness.

Maybe I've lost the capacity to pretend I didn't care anymore.

Maybe I wasn't ready to care about anything just yet.

Irrational fears.

I wanted to hide from the world.

To avoid everyone. Yes, even Sendoh.

I knew he'd be waiting for me outside the gates, he always did.

But I wasn't ready to face him. Not like this. Crumbling and falling apart. I inwardly cringed at the sound of my own stupid excuses. Iwas pathetic.

I took another route outside school, through the locker room, out the back door...

It was so strange to be walking away from Sendoh for the very same reason that kept me from looking at mirrors when I was a kid. I just felt this overwhelming sadness and the need to be by myself. To wallow in that sadness, for now.

The 'ahou must've been spying on me again, for as I alighted, there he was, blocking my path, a crooked smile on his face. A smile that told me he knew something, something I didn't want him to know. I was in no mood for his moronic antics. Not ever. Especially not right now.

He said nothing, but shoved a note up my hand, that sick smile never leaving as I read its contents. Though I was aware of Sakuragi's long standing crush on me, the letter still came as a shock. Crudely written, and filled with detailed accounts of his fantasies. His fantasies to fuck me. A chill lingered up my spine at the few revolting words that my eyes caught. Vain and lusty as I was, I resented the confession but grimaced at the churning sensation in my gut... the oh-so-familiar sensation I recognized as a distasteful mixture of excitement and foreboding. I was disgusted at myself to say the least.

He leaned close, hot breath burning my cheek. "_What Sendoh does to you, I can do better._"

I shuddered inwardly. The thought of giving him the same thing I give Sendoh made me sick to the very core. And then the question struck me, if anyone asked me the same thing now, would I give in to them just to satisfy my perverse desires? And I was sure...

**No fucking way.**

I like Sendoh… I did think he was special… Maybe there was a different level of satisfaction by giving myself to him, and only him, to the only person who has ever earned the right… and that's why it's been so easy, that's why it has always felt right. Sendoh was in many ways... like me.

He meant more to me than anyone else.

All of a sudden, I wanted the games to end. I wanted to be loved. I longed to be possessed by those very same blue eyes. By the sweet voice that uttered my name like it was the only thing that mattered in the whole world.

I was foolish to deny.

_Sex was a matter of promise and consequence._

Then I realized, there is no obsession without love...

Everytime I watched him play, I had been in love with him all along. And I was fooling myself now… I was being a coward to try and hide from it.

_How could I have been so stupid…?_

Afraid that he could love me back...

_Stupid to think that I didn't deserve it._

Too many thoughts screaming in my head.

_I had to get away!_

I turned back but Sakuragi stopped me. Well probably the idiot had some brains after all... enough sense in him to know that I was running away from Sendoh, and now he sees the perfect opportunity to become a substitute for my 'needs'.

"I know what you want." his scratchy voice pervaded my ear. "Sendoh and I are just after the same thing. What difference would it make if you did it with him or with anyone else?"

There was something in his voice that stung my pride. And all of a sudden it wasn't so difficult to acknowledge the answer.

_**I love Sendoh... and that makes all the difference...**_

That's what I wanted to say... But I couldn't. This current disposition I'm in, robbed my mind of much needed conviction. I felt weak-kneed and unreceptive.

He grabs me and drowns out most of my thoughts.

_Fear..._

_Emptiness…_

_Self-pity..._

_Hope...?_

Seeing that I hadn't put up any resistance, he smiles up at me. A disturbing smile. He hastily unbuttons my coat and pulls up my shirt. He devours a nipple, as his wet mouth sucks and bites, tugging impatiently. He wastes no time in groping me below. He continued to suck while rubbing furiously down there, until my lips were bleeding where my teeth dug into it, and I didn't even realize I was hard. He feasts his eyes on this, I hear him snort in pleasure. He obviously likes what he sees.

_Is this what I want?_

_Do I really love Sendoh?_

I close my eyes and at once it's those gentle blue eyes I see... Those eyes that I love and yet despise for making me feel so defenseless, so weak.

Till now, I've never done it with anyone else but Sendoh. In the back of my mind I was tempted to know what it would be like with others, but somehow I just wasn't interested enough to find out. Sakuragi... he was the opposite of Sendoh in many ways. Sakuragi was barbaric and his eyes gleamed with lust. Pure animalistic lust. It was easy to see, and feel that he only sought to pleasure himself. Even during the roughest of nights Sendoh kept his elegance. It was me he sought to pleasure first, closely watching my face, hesitating whenever he caught any trace of pain there, which I always did my best to hide. I'd always tell him to stop fretting. A little pain wasn't such a big deal, I wasn't a weakling. Then he'd smile and hug me without saying anything, making me feel a bit irritated. Though I hated it, his concern always comforted me. I would never admit it back then, but now... I know that he did it for me as much as for himself... and I greatly appreciate him for it. Guilt stings me. _I miss Akira..._

Sakuragi licks my lips before crushing it in his mouth, prodding with his tongue, my blood mixing with his saliva. His sour breath assailing my nose, as he greedily laps at my face then my neck and back down to my chest... Though I find myself shaking, my mind remains unresponsive. Much to Sakuragi's annoyance. He rubs me rougher, more impatiently. He hurriedly starts to unzip my pants.

"_Toke._" I suddenly heard myself utter in disgust.

He ignores me.

"**I said get off!**" I heave him off my chest, ignoring the painful tug as my nipple gets pulled violently from his teeth.

"What the fu—?!"

I leave him without another word, without looking back.

_Tonight, was another nameless night…_

Instead of going to bed and waiting in lustful anticipation for Sendoh, which is what usually followed after my evening shower, I trod down the hall in my scanty bathrobe and mechanically switch on the TV which was already on the sports channel. I prop myself lazily on the couch and mindlessly stare at the Basketball game. I don't even recognize who or what team is playing.

I miss Sendoh so hopelessly, but manage to hold back any tears that threatened to spill. Tired from too much thinking, my mind easily surrenders to the haze, sleep slowly creeping into my consciousness…

The doorbell rings.

I ignore it for a while, but eventually I'm jolted awake and grudgingly I get up to see who it could be at so late an hour...

_...Sendoh._

"I waited for you after school."

A pang of guilt stabs my chest. "Gomen."

"Is something wrong?" he asks. _So innocently worried that I couldn't help but feel even more guilt._

"Iie..." I reply without meeting his eyes. "Nothing..."

I feel his hand gently lift my chin up to meet his gaze. "Then why... don't you look at me...?"

_Because if I stare back at those eyes, I just know that I'd find myself falling for you all over again. I feel so foolish for even denying it, but I was just afraid... I still am..._

"...Akira... I'm sorry." was all I could bring myself to say.

Then he smiles and plants a soft kiss on my lips before he takes me into his arms, in a warm comforting hug.

I hug him back. Tightly. And somehow my worries become meaningless, now that Sendoh is here with me. My heart believes that he loves me, and maybe that was enough for now. Maybe it wasn't so bad to desire to be loved, and to give up everything to be held like this, because now I know this is what I've wanted all along...

_**Someone to love.**_

Owari.

* * *

**Chibi Omake:**

Ruru: Ho-ho... not bad! It's nice to be understood once in a while!  
Sensen: (busy smooching some part of Ruru under the sheets)  
Ruru: Don't you think so Akira? (pokes Sen under the sheets) Akira?  
Sensen: (muffled moaning sounds) Ooh... (smooch) didn't know you were afraid of mirrors... (kiss) Kae-chan, that's so kinky!  
Ruru: (sigh) Yare, yare.

* * *

**End Notes:**

**06-2004:** Whew. Okay, thought I'd share some personal ideas about this. In case anyone noticed the weird first person POV I used, it's because I imagined this was literally being 'narrated' by Rukawa as we watch the events happen, kinda like in "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" (which reveals a lot about my age! Gasp!). So sometimes it switches from stuff in his head to the stuff he narrates to us. At least, that's what I was trying for... first time I tried it though, so I dunno how much I sucked. X) It's pretty eerie to hear Rukawa's thoughts the way I've interpreted them, demented, sarcastic and even bordering towards the 'analytical', but I've always imagined that Rukawa's mind wasn't just "blank" all the times he was quiet, on the contrary, I reckon he thinks a lot! Rukawa is extremely smart, and he appreciates people who recognize him for this over superficial traits. Plus I thought giving Rukawa _catoptrophopbia_ was cute. Hee, the idea that Rukawa hardly ever looked at a mirror to fix himself would explain why his hair always has that trademark 'unruly look', just the way I like it. ;P

Oh and yeah, you guessed it. The term 'homo-fox' is not my original idea, I first saw Sakuragi call Rukawa that in the famed masterpiece SenRu doujinshi "Deep Purple" by the awesome-beyond-words Prin-sensei.

* * *

**08-2012:** A heartfelt thanks! to all who read and reviewed (and faved). Truthfully, I didn't expect this fic to be liked at all, let alone received rather nicely. I didn't really know where I was going with it, I just wanted to do a Rukawa POV from my own little headcanon... But considering all the very kind and constructive reviews I got, I am very determined to do more, and as much as I can, much better, in the next fics I write. Again, thank you! :D

* * *

If you're forever an insane true blue SenRuSen fan girl like me, please support existing die-hard SenRuSen groups. Search for **TrueBlueSenRu** on **deviantART** and **SenRu Only & SenRu-PH** on **Facebook**. If there are any more SenRu groups you know about, please let me know. :3 *bows* Arigatou gozaimsu!


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